Getting Awards

My husband has an aversion to getting recognition for what he does, with one exception: He wants the farm to look good, and it does. He has an artist's eye and an understanding that something that is efficient, well run and organized is usually appealing and attractive.

I've discovered that some of his behaviors are a reaction to the excesses of his narcissistic parent.

One of his father's excesses is a need for external recognition that is sought oh so subtly. This is a common behavior of narcissists. I noticed it when my MIL kept asking me to type up applications for awards on the computer. She never learned to use a computer, believing she might become addicted to it (she was probably right in that) and had an old, impossible Royal typewriter that was painful to type on.

So I typed up many of her hand written applications for her husband's years of award-getting. I now understand why she did this: to pacify him, to provide him with Narcissistic Supply, to make life more livable for herself.

Some of these awards he had little to do with, but gave no credit to my husband, who as I said, had no interest in being recognized. There were environmental awards for keeping waste water out of the irrigation systems, awards for milk production, a Golden Years award for being 50 years in the dairy industry, and picture after picture of him in the newspaper. All carefully preserved in scrapbooks, or framed and mounted, lining the walls of his house. It makes him look like he was admired and appreciated and has made such a difference.

The strangest thing he has hanging on the wall is a 4H contributor thank-you plaque. Anyone who pays premiums for 4H activities gets a thank you card and a pressboard plaque.

When our children started out with their first baby lambs in 4H, we wanted to contribute back to the 4H County Fair program by sponsoring other peoples' children by buying their livestock at auction. FIL refused, however, saying we could spend our own money if we wanted, but not the farm money. As far as I know, he has never contributed to the County Fair as a sponsor, even though his own children showed animals at the fair for years.

As soon as we got hold of the checkbook, we began participating in fair auctions annually. Sometimes we had neighbors buy for us, and we would send the check in later. We always got sweet signed cards from the young people we bought the animals from, usually with a picture, sometimes with a wall plaque.

FIL has one of these hanging on his wall. It was most certainly not addressed to him, except by mistake. He most certainly did not write the check out, and would have objected to writing one. But he still hangs the plaque on his wall thanking him for participating in the 4H Fair auction. Perhaps if he realized he could have had more plaques lining his walls, he would have participated all that time ago.

It's an award, after all, and he deserves it.